So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
