she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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