Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
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