She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
