His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
