I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
