Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Randomize
