On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Everything about him screamed your future.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Randomize
