somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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