how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
