i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
