I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
