Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
