she sounds like chewbacca in bed
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Randomize
