Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
