bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
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