TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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