They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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