There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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