end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Someone shit on the floor
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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