bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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