ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
