This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
