And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
