party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Randomize
