loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
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