he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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