dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
where are you?
Hypothermia
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
The uberlube is also flammable
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
