He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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