Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
