Screwed.edu
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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