in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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