I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
