I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
i can't believe i had my finger in that
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
