how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
