yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
