There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
