My brain says no but my pants say off.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
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