Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
So much rum. So many feels.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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