I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
