Don't you send me to vm
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Randomize
