there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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