the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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