you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
