i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
