im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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