Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
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