This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Randomize
