You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
