Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Randomize
