its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Randomize
