I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Randomize
