in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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